Thursday, June 6, 2024
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Like him, his name is unique; some called him Savas, with a “v”, Sabias, Sabitas, and even Sabath. His name Sabas is a palindrome, spelled the same forward and backward. As kids, our parents would take us to Bolado Park to celebrate Easter, 4th of July and other holidays, we would pass by this small church in Tres Pinos and mom would turn to us and say “ahí es donde te cortaron la cola.” Meaning: that was the place that you were baptized, and your tail was cut off. What tail we would ask, well, your devils’ tail, we would all have a good laugh.
As I look through old family photos for one more glimpse of my big brother, I can’t help but mourn for just one more day. There is a photo of the entire family, and Sabas must have been 5 years old, I remember showing it to him and saying, “look there’s a photo of the six of us, (you can see it in the slide-show, we are in a field of flowers), and he said, “you are not in the photo, you weren’t born yet”, and I said “I know but there I am in my mom’s belly”. There’s a picture of us boys at a 49er game, watching the 9ers take on the Giants at Candlestick Park, what a great game that was, what a great day that was. I see a picture of him holding his first child, Angela, the look of complete love, adoration, happiness, I remember when I took that picture, thinking how I want to be a dad like him someday. There is a lifetime of photos cut abruptly short, how I wish for just one more picture, just one more memory.
I think of the last day I saw my big brother, he sat in a wheelchair at my bedside at the ICU unit, his heart too weak to carry him throughout the day. I had just had open-heart surgery, he held and caressed my hand telling me I would be okay, all the while he was suffering in pain. I told him he should not have made the trip to visit me, his health was much too frail, but he said he had to see me to make sure I was okay. I remember looking at him, he was smiling, his eyes full of love, I could not get over how much he looked like our mom, and like an Angel smiling from up above. I wish I could have just stood up and given him a great big hug to assure him that he too would be okay. If I had only known that time would be the last time I would see him, I would have asked him to stay a little longer. I would have told him how much I had learned from him, how much I admired him, how much I unconditionally loved him. I would have told him how much my heart would hurt from the void I would feel inside, and how much I looked up to him, my big brother, always by my side. He made me a stronger person, he showed me right from wrong, much more than a brother, more like a fatherly love.
I knew your heart was tired and you would be leaving us soon, but now that the day arrived, it is still MUCH MUCH TOO soon. So many things I needed to say, thank you for being my big brother, my father figure, my confidant, a person I could always turn to for help, advice and support. Now, rejoice with mom in heaven and we will see each other again someday.
